From Sterling Tribune

Local Residents Report Strange Events During the Night

Sterling, IL - At 12:37pm last night police responded to a call from local Creativologist and curator of the Idea Collection at the Sterling Museum, T. Paul Payton.

"I was getting ready for bed when it started," said Payton. "I thought it was unusual to hear noises from coming from above - especially since I know the landlords have not yet rented the upper floor apartment." 

After a careful examination of the rooftop patrolman Rufus T. Firefly of the Sterling police force reported "There were over half a dozen sets of animal tracks probably large squirrels." But this seems to be a cover-up to prevent public panic. Other witnesses at the scene state they heard Firefly speaking with other officers saying "If those were squirrel tracks the squirrels were a big as cows!"

The following morning Mrs. Gloria Teasdale ran into Payton at the local laundromat. "I asked him how his Christmas was going and he complained that he was washing all of his socks. It seems someone had broken into his house, rifled through his sock drawer and filled his socks with coal - coal dust got all over everything. What kind of person would do a spiteful thing like this?"

All this reporter can say is that you better watch out - if you don't want to go around with black smudges on your feet you better keep your doors locked. And it doesn't hurt to keep a hot fire going in the fireplace overnight to thwart intruders trying to break in that way as well.